Journaling

I have to admit I'm getting anxious about the trip. I think it's finally solidifying in my head now that it's getting closer, but I don't have much time to keep thinking about it because I have plenty to do before that, including one class exam, work and an article due 30 september. I've been busy and booked LOL. I'm even trying to eat more beans to fortify my blood iron before the trip, I really have to lock in this week. So this week's goals are: not spend too much money, do my internship work due friday, study for my exam and finish the damn article.

I´ve watched the Giselle ballet yesterday at the local theater. Honestly, I did liked it, but I´m tired of romance stories in ballet and opera. This year only, I have already watched La fille mal gardée, Don Quixote, Salvatore Rosa and Giselle, which are all amazing productions, but all of them revolve around the tragedy or happiness of love stories. I have to admit I am starting to get annoyed by this. I was truly holding expectations for the Willys act, but I was fairly disappointed. The Willys are ghosts of brides that never actually married and are known for making people dance to their death if they enter the forest at night. They are supposed to be mystical and CREEPY. I didn't feel creeped out by the Willys in this production. It was pretty seeing their act, but more than being pretty, I wanted to get cold shivers seeing them. I wanted do be able to feel both fear and admiration, like you're being seduced by a monster, you know? Because that's what they do, after all. They are supposed to affect you this way; to be insanely creepy but hypnotize you to dance and dance and dance. Ugh, I feel like I could´ve gotten out of Giselle completely in love, but I was left mildly disappointed.

I'm at my internship right now. Honestly, I know how privileged and lucky I am in many aspects of my life, but why do I still think I am not enough for this? Why do I think I shoud give more? I should BE more. I really struggle with consistency, specially when it comes to the things I like. The only reason I'm being able to learn everything so consistently right now is because I can't just lie down and scroll through my phone when I here. I have to admit the chair and the huge monitor also make it much more comfortable for me to stay hours on the computer, maybe I should really start putting some money into having a PC back home too.

I keep missing class to have more time with myself yet I only sleep and sleep. I've missed yesterday's night class to be alone a bit but ended up sleeping from 7pm to 6am. It's almost 12 hours of sleep; I may be needing to feed myself better, specially before October comes. There are many many things I need to do yet before the year ends, but I'm sure everything will be fine. I'll survive either way.

I got a bit sick today and wasn't able to go to work :( I wanted to work but couldn't because I was in the hospital from 7am to 2pm. My boss was super understanding and told me to go home after the hospital. At least I feel a bit better now and I have the whole weekend to rest a little before my routine starts again.

Today, I met a friend of mine from the Military Engineer School. We discussed politics, militarism, gender-based behaviour, japan-china relations, anime and many other things. We went to a cute cafe nearby I never went before and I had these delicious pancakes with strawberry and chocolate. It was fun! He took me to see the private military beach only they have access to which was super fun, even though I ended up being late to class. It was worth it!

Today I met a friend of mine from college. It was very nice to see him again because we almost never have the time to meet each other. We went to the mall and talked about our feelings, our lives, and our plans in the upcoming future. It was really nice!

Today is the last day of the holiday before I have to go back to the apartment. I finally got to see mom after 2 months without seeing her and my cats. We went to the mall together and it was actually super fun. We ended up laughing a lot back home too.